by Dr. Paul Newton

February is relationship month at Filosofi.  With Valentine’s Day we tend to focus on intimate relationships however there are many kinds of relationships in any person’s life.

Relationships can involve any type of interaction between two people but the ones we enjoy the most are the encounters where there is a connection.  Connection happens when you get the feeling that the person you are with is truly with you.  They are not thinking of something better they could be doing or worse, doing it!

There is nothing better than an interaction where the person you are with is really interested in you.  The converse is a situation where the person is only there physically but the rest of them is somewhere else.  How much fun is it to talk to someone reading the paper or flipping through e-mails on their “Crackberry”?

There are two people to connect to in any interaction.  The other person and yourself.  Whenever you achieve both connections, you take a relationship to a deeper level.  Since connection is something that people are not used to feeling, you will really impact them regardless of the content of your interaction.

Use these 5 ways to connect to yourself and others to deepen your relationships.

1. Be in the present moment.  Don’t think.  Observe.  You mind will take you away to thoughts of the past or worries of the future.  Observations keep you right here, right now.
2. Connect to yourself.  This also involves being present.  Observe how you are breathing.  Take a deep breath.  Observe how easily your chest expands.  Note any tension or relaxation that develops as you interact with the other person and yourself.
3. Connect to the other person.  In the present moment, direct all your attention towards them.  This directs energy to them and makes them feel drawn to you.  Observe how they hold themselves and talk.  Do they seem at ease, edgy, excited etc?
4. Meet the person where they are.  If the person is excited, match their excitement.  If they are sad, meet them with empathy.  If they are tense or worried, meet them with concern.  Once they feel you have connected with their state you have the opportunity to shift it.  It is like reaching for someone’s hand and leading them.
5. Listen without thinking about your response.  Let them get out a complete thought and direct your attention towards them the whole time.  Once they have finished, take a deep breath and let your response come together.

Connecting to anyone in this way will leave them feeling energized and impressed.  They will feel that you are very interesting and inspiring because you allowed yourself to be interested and inspired.  Applying these 5 strategies in any relationship will strengthen your connection and deepen the relationship.